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fat____model

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[Tuesday 11/8]
friends only from now on.
this is private, fuck yall.
comment first then ill add you.
take care loves, ♥
14 | comment

[Tuesday 11/8]
[ mood | fat ]

its 6pm and i havent eaten all day!
id say thats pretty good
cause im not evening fasting
im feeling good and empty
but not hungry anymore?
im loving this pina colada gum too
anyway im gunna take a short nap
logan is sick so im not riding tonight!
so we will probably smoke later
and maybe ill eat a small salad/tea
i can do that
when im high i look in the mirror
and i feel so ugly
maybe im just really ugly
and its not fat covering me up
ugh, ghey im fugly
and im buying those hoodia pills this week, srsly
;(

2 | comment

[Tuesday 11/8]
[ mood | huge ]

ew another shitty day
this is so repetitive
i sleep eat and smoke basically
i feel like im on a really long vacation
its pretty terrible
i feel like if i gained ten more pounds
id be just as unhappy with myself.. stupid fattie
tomorrow needs to be better
ill just need to focus ..coffee, fruit, tea, skim milk
end of story
oh yeah, i was in walgreens sunday night
and saw those hoodia pills
that are from africa or something and supress hunger
$40 damnit!
i didnt spend any money yet
my moms friend big sal gave me $40 in the mail today though
its a sign! so im starting over and buying those damn pills
gotta walk another 4 miles to walgreens though
i love not having a car at college
♥ goodnight!!

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[Sunday 11/6]
[ mood | determined ]

every day is an overindulgence
i smoke too much, sleep too much
eat too much ice cream and chinese food
ive just been enjoying college a little too much lately
bahhh
i hung out with johnny last night
cute boys give me something to work for
"i want to be pretty for you"

4 | comment

[Friday 11/4]
[ mood | hungry ]

guilty guilty guilty
i just had a starbucks doubleshot
and a little debbies fancy square
fuuuuuuck
and now everyones going to eat dinner
i shouldve just waited and eaten a salad with them!
i ate fruit and a turkey sandwich earlier for lunch
and now im starving but ive already had too many cals today
damnit
too many bad choices
but i have to say, im feeling like a skinnay bitch
my sides are aching and my stomach kills
yeaaah and lots of drinking tonight too
and hopefully walking around !?!?
then maybe ill have a small snack later
trying to be realistic
ok byee ♥

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[Friday 11/4]
[ mood | awake ]

fuck
im on the worst caffeine high ever
i cannot sleep
i almost threw up or cried trying to go to sleep
im freaking hungry
i want a salad, gah

1 | comment

[Thursday 11/3]
[ mood | high ]

ok so last night

cheese fries
peanut butter milkshake
fried chicken sandwich
ice cream sundae cone
two almond joy bars (4 pieces)
100cal popcorn bag

lets just dont talk bout k
so i obviously havent eaten all day today
and i felt nauseous when my friends asked me
to go to the commons to eat
i cant imagine eating food, id like throw up
like my stomach is empty but i still dont want to eat
pretty sweet hah!
anyway i was going to walk to kroger to buy hair dye
but im really too lazy, quick naptime for suree
ill just go after that
oh and i wen to teh library today
and got two fashion photography books
thinsperation on every pagee man
k peace ♥

1 | comment

[Monday 10/31]
[ mood | blah ]

i had fruit and black coffee for lunch
i was doing so great
i was almost nauseous from being so hungry
weird
but my fucking ra just dropped off a bag of candy
i love halloween
but fuck all the goodies that come with it
i didnt eat that much
i think im gunna throw the rest away
i need to go eat some real food, not sugar
gahhh, i suck
have a safe night girlies
dont do what i just did! ;[

8 | comment

[Sunday 10/30]
[ mood | blah ]

you wanna see bones
ill show you bones
just wait
ill show you how pretty i can be
ill sit outside
shivering
smoking a cigarette
til my fingers turn blue
ill sleep all day so i dont have to eat
(sleep to forget)
ill waste all my money on diet pills and fashion magazines
and ill dream about food
because i wont eat it
ill stick to crash diets
& live off black coffee and salad without dressing
and stare at pictures of kate moss
and chew my nails til they bleed
because i want to be different
not average
i want to be fucking beautiful
and i can be anything i fucking want

4 | comment

[Sunday 10/30]
[ mood | discontent ]

i was feeling skinny this morning
my inaccurate scale said i was like 100
how can it be that off? like 30 pounds?
i just ate a ton of food
i cant control myself anymore
i feel unconfortable in my own skin
i just feel like disappearing
i miss home
i miss my friends
i just want someone who cares
my life is just one big failure
i want perfection
but i fail everytime i try
then i dig myself in this dark hole
and stuff food in my mouth
not because i want to, but because i can
its something i can control
i just suck in general
i cant accomplish anything
i quit life

1 | comment

[Saturday 10/29]
[ mood | full ]

i bought a new scale
it said like 107 today
i almost punched myself in the face
i was 130 a week ago
im so pissed
i need a fucking accurate scale
anyway i tried on my friends size 5 jean shorts
and they fit loosely
which made me happy
but ive actually never felt fatter
ive been eating so much shit food lately
and not working out
and its all catching up
this drunk girl from my floor was like,
"pretty sally! can i call you pretty sally"
aww it just made me smile
but im gunna go put on my halloween costume
in an attempt for my fat ass to feel sexy
xo

1 | comment

[Friday 10/28]
[ mood | bored ]

its such a gorgeous fall day
im so happy
i just had black coffee for lunch
oo im learning to love it
im not hungry now
and im not going to be hungry later
and if i am i dont give a shit, im not eating
i feel motivated! woo
my two best friends are in psychology and
they learned about eating disorders in class today,
so they were like "yeaah we had to see pictures
of people who were like skeletons.." and "did you
know that theres websites on like how to be anorexic?"
im like, hmmm yeah
anyway i hope you all are doing well
another boring update from moi

1 | comment

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