we are not perfect but we should try.

Tue, 08 Nov 2005 23:15:59 GMT

its 6pm and i havent eaten all day!
id say thats pretty good
cause im not evening fasting
im feeling good and empty
but not hungry anymore?
im loving this pina colada gum too
anyway im gunna take a short nap
logan is sick so im not riding tonight!
so we will probably smoke later
and maybe ill eat a small salad/tea
i can do that
when im high i look in the mirror
and i feel so ugly
maybe im just really ugly
and its not fat covering me up
ugh, ghey im fugly
and im buying those hoodia pills this week, srsly
;(

Tue, 08 Nov 2005 05:16:46 GMT

ew another shitty day
this is so repetitive
i sleep eat and smoke basically
i feel like im on a really long vacation
its pretty terrible
i feel like if i gained ten more pounds
id be just as unhappy with myself.. stupid fattie
tomorrow needs to be better
ill just need to focus ..coffee, fruit, tea, skim milk
end of story
oh yeah, i was in walgreens sunday night
and saw those hoodia pills
that are from africa or something and supress hunger
$40 damnit!
i didnt spend any money yet
my moms friend big sal gave me $40 in the mail today though
its a sign! so im starting over and buying those damn pills
gotta walk another 4 miles to walgreens though
i love not having a car at college
♥ goodnight!!

Sun, 06 Nov 2005 21:01:27 GMT

every day is an overindulgence
i smoke too much, sleep too much
eat too much ice cream and chinese food
ive just been enjoying college a little too much lately
bahhh
i hung out with johnny last night
cute boys give me something to work for
"i want to be pretty for you"

Fri, 04 Nov 2005 23:32:51 GMT

guilty guilty guilty
i just had a starbucks doubleshot
and a little debbies fancy square
fuuuuuuck
and now everyones going to eat dinner
i shouldve just waited and eaten a salad with them!
i ate fruit and a turkey sandwich earlier for lunch
and now im starving but ive already had too many cals today
damnit
too many bad choices
but i have to say, im feeling like a skinnay bitch
my sides are aching and my stomach kills
yeaaah and lots of drinking tonight too
and hopefully walking around !?!?
then maybe ill have a small snack later
trying to be realistic
ok byee ♥

Fri, 04 Nov 2005 10:01:32 GMT

fuck
im on the worst caffeine high ever
i cannot sleep
i almost threw up or cried trying to go to sleep
im freaking hungry
i want a salad, gah

Thu, 03 Nov 2005 22:56:52 GMT

ok so last night

cheese fries
peanut butter milkshake
fried chicken sandwich
ice cream sundae cone
two almond joy bars (4 pieces)
100cal popcorn bag

lets just dont talk bout k
so i obviously havent eaten all day today
and i felt nauseous when my friends asked me
to go to the commons to eat
i cant imagine eating food, id like throw up
like my stomach is empty but i still dont want to eat
pretty sweet hah!
anyway i was going to walk to kroger to buy hair dye
but im really too lazy, quick naptime for suree
ill just go after that
oh and i wen to teh library today
and got two fashion photography books
thinsperation on every pagee man
k peace ♥

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 22:54:16 GMT

i had fruit and black coffee for lunch
i was doing so great
i was almost nauseous from being so hungry
weird
but my fucking ra just dropped off a bag of candy
i love halloween
but fuck all the goodies that come with it
i didnt eat that much
i think im gunna throw the rest away
i need to go eat some real food, not sugar
gahhh, i suck
have a safe night girlies
dont do what i just did! ;[

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 02:44:40 GMT

you wanna see bones
ill show you bones
just wait
ill show you how pretty i can be
ill sit outside
shivering
smoking a cigarette
til my fingers turn blue
ill sleep all day so i dont have to eat
(sleep to forget)
ill waste all my money on diet pills and fashion magazines
and ill dream about food
because i wont eat it
ill stick to crash diets
& live off black coffee and salad without dressing
and stare at pictures of kate moss
and chew my nails til they bleed
because i want to be different
not average
i want to be fucking beautiful
and i can be anything i fucking want
♥

Sun, 30 Oct 2005 21:44:35 GMT

i was feeling skinny this morning
my inaccurate scale said i was like 100
how can it be that off? like 30 pounds?
i just ate a ton of food
i cant control myself anymore
i feel unconfortable in my own skin
i just feel like disappearing
i miss home
i miss my friends
i just want someone who cares
my life is just one big failure
i want perfection
but i fail everytime i try
then i dig myself in this dark hole
and stuff food in my mouth
not because i want to, but because i can
its something i can control
i just suck in general
i cant accomplish anything
i quit life

Sun, 30 Oct 2005 01:51:02 GMT

i bought a new scale
it said like 107 today
i almost punched myself in the face
i was 130 a week ago
im so pissed
i need a fucking accurate scale
anyway i tried on my friends size 5 jean shorts
and they fit loosely
which made me happy
but ive actually never felt fatter
ive been eating so much shit food lately
and not working out
and its all catching up
this drunk girl from my floor was like,
"pretty sally! can i call you pretty sally"
aww it just made me smile
but im gunna go put on my halloween costume
in an attempt for my fat ass to feel sexy
xo

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 17:31:13 GMT

its such a gorgeous fall day
im so happy
i just had black coffee for lunch
oo im learning to love it
im not hungry now
and im not going to be hungry later
and if i am i dont give a shit, im not eating
i feel motivated! woo
my two best friends are in psychology and
they learned about eating disorders in class today,
so they were like "yeaah we had to see pictures
of people who were like skeletons.." and "did you
know that theres websites on like how to be anorexic?"
im like, hmmm yeah
anyway i hope you all are doing well
another boring update from moi

Thu, 27 Oct 2005 23:17:47 GMT

ok its official
im disgusting
i cant even stand to look in the mirror
my face is so ugly
my arms and my stomach
fuck
im getting so fucking drunk tonight
and im not gunna let myself eat
i swear to god
its time to crack down
thanksgiving is less than a month away
im going to be a boney mess when i go back
mwuahah
im going to quit eating now

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 20:03:58 GMT

salads made me hungrier
and those cookies fucked me over
(damn grandma!)
binge binge binge binge binge
this is a lot harder than a thought

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 16:22:13 GMT

just had lunch
lots of salad and coffee
my grandma sent me a package
two bags full of her homemade cookies
i think i might kill myself
i havent eaten one yet
i just need to put them out of sight
anyway i started a reward system
i have a calendar and for every good day i draw a blue star
and for a certain # of blue stars in a row per week
ill give myself a reward
for example
four blue stars = purchase of red or black converse sneakers
three blue stars = purchase of new bowl
two blue stars = one cookie from my grandma
six blue stars = i get a tattoo!
hopefully this will keep me on track
im gunna work on my journal some more, woo
♥

Tue, 25 Oct 2005 03:54:02 GMT

ive had a decent monday
two bowls of fruit and black coffee for lunch (200 cal)
and a small veggie salad with fat free italian for dinner (65 cal)
and more coffee (10 cal) and an apple (80 cal)
not too bad
question: regular black coffee basically is 0 cal
but what about black cinnamon-flavored coffee?!!
ive been chugging that like all day
i hope its not more than usual
well im feeling positive and mentally thinner
and a little fuckin hungry
but today i worked on my lil thinspo journal
its looking quite good!
ill scan the pages and post pics when im done
im bored so its bed time!! yay ♥

Mon, 24 Oct 2005 02:57:20 GMT

let me tell you how much my weekend sucked
i had a horse show
i was surrounded by annoying fat girls
who blasted the ac in the car because theyre fat and hot
and i was fucking shivering in the back seat like wtf bitches?!
so we ate out every day and i wanted to kill myself
i probably gained like two lbs
anyway im ready for tomorrow, i love mondays
time to get my life back on track
fruit to keep me alive
coffee to keep me awake
music to keep me sane
and some pot to keep me happy
cant wait! ♥

Sat, 22 Oct 2005 06:54:46 GMT

yesssss
another safe night
we drank a ton of liquor
and im drinking hot chocolate now
but its only 25 calories
total tonight was around 555 calories
the liquor is so much ;( it sucks
but oh well atleast i didnt eat anything!
im so proud of myself
back on track, yay
and horse show this weekend! but wish me luck
no eating and burning calories riding, yay
i leave in two hours
extreme lack of sleep, aah
when youre happy because youre hungry
you know you got it bad
good night♥

Sat, 22 Oct 2005 00:30:18 GMT

its been a good day
i slept all afternoon so i didnt eat
i didnt even deserve to anyway because of my binge(s) yesterday
for dinner i had some tomato slices, pickles,
banana peppers, and black coffee
but thats relatively no calories
the only bad news is that its friday and im drinking tonight
were getting a handle of vodka and two bottles of boones farm wine
drinking on an almost empty stomach, oh yes
ill try my hardest not to eat anything else tonight
but dont count on me
im too unpredictable these days, gahhhh

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 19:07:12 GMT

i feel like a failure
like i want to be so perfect
and i can see myself being skinny and pretty
but it seems so impossible
its like some superficial idea that i want but can never have
is it possible for me to lose weight?
god, every time i try i fail
i want to just accomplish something for once
this sucks
i get through two good days then i fuck up
its less than two weeks til holloween
im going to get back on track tomorrow
tomorrow is a fruit and coffee day for sure

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 16:23:52 GMT

i fucking hate this shit
i was doing so well
of course i would binge
goddamnit why do i do this to myself?
i eat one thing wrong and then give up and stuff my face
pizza, rice, cheesecake, icecream, cookies
i didnt even want to eat all that
but i kept eating cause i knew i shouldnt
no seriously, this is ridiculous
now i wont be eating ~~til tomorrow afternoon probably~~
it seems like working out wouldnt even help
unless i burned like 1000 calories
fuck this i hate obsessing so much
i wish i could throw up
i dont want to go to class
im so full
i just want to sleep all this fucking shit off

Thu, 20 Oct 2005 05:51:10 GMT

well i ended up eating again
i attempted to reboot with a sugarfree redbull
didnt work, i was so starving so i ate a small salad with cheese squares and fat free dressing
bad idea except for the coffee i had with it oh yum
then we smoked
and drank some since we all failed the math test = celebrate
three shots of spiced rum, im guessing 210 cals
i didnt even want to drink
but i was so happy with controlling myself lately
that i felt like i could do it even when im drunk and high
and i am,woo! no food
and we walked all over campus so burned a bunch off anyway
todays total ended up at about 390, not too bad
and no nap today, so im definately going to pass out now,
♥

Wed, 19 Oct 2005 16:35:40 GMT

its so much easier to have a good start to the day
when the day before went so well
i just had a salad with fat free ranch and a small fruit bowl
and black coffee
not more than 200 cals
i feel great
i know im not any skinnier than yesterday
but i feel good on the inside cause i know i can do this
i cant expect to drop weight overnight
but im gunna do this
o n e d a y a t a t i m e
im so excited to go home for thanksgiving
i want people to stare and whisper
"look at her, she must have lost weight, she looks so good"
oh and my grandma subscriped me to w!
im so excited, its like 732847 pages of thinspiration
fuck yeah ♥
ill update later once i get through the day!

Wed, 19 Oct 2005 04:43:51 GMT

so it ended up being a good day
didnt eat again but went riding for an hour
burned probably 200, awesome
then smoked and got black coffee with sweetener at ovids
omg yum, perfectly ending to my successful day
now im rocking the lipgloss and sugarfree gum, mm hah
i put up my calendars
and marked red fs on my failed days
and ill put a blue star on my good days
this could become a habit
wish me luck! woo

Tue, 18 Oct 2005 17:44:56 GMT

so its a new journal
a fresh start
oh lovely
finally somewhere to spit out all this shit going through my head
so for lunch i ate a ton of fruit and some cottage cheese and coffee
+++ for control
i feel so full though and i dont know if thats good or bad
but i dont want to eat the rest of the day
maybe some coffee later if i feel like
and day one of this vegetarianism is good so far
♥